


Stars Go Blue

by dexsnursey (nerdy_farm_girl)



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Cows, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mechanic Tyler, dairy farmer jamie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 08:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20273299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdy_farm_girl/pseuds/dexsnursey
Summary: There’re three things that Jamie knows will always be true:1.	Cows never tell lies2.	Rain is a good thing3.	He’s deeply, permanently, regrettably in love with Tyler Seguin





	Stars Go Blue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kalika_999](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalika_999/gifts).

> This is for Kali, who received this fic as a gift through the first Hockey Trumps Hate campaign!
> 
> This is my first time writing Bennguin, but Tyler and Jamie were my first hockey loves, and I adore them both. 
> 
> I grew up on a small farm, and worked on a dairy farm for many years as a teenager, so all of this is based off my own experience. There is a little bit about a calf being born in here, but I didn't go into details because I don't think that would help the sexy and cool vibe I always strive for (and generally fall far short of). 
> 
> I also made a [country af playlist,](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5BgnFwZPiqju94xvCD3NFE) for this fic that you're all welcome to listen to if you're into that sort of thing

_Dancin' out on 7th Street_  
_Dancin' through the underground_  
_Dancin' little marionette_  
_Are you happy now?_

_Where do you go when you're lonely_  
_Where do you go when you're blue_  
_Where do you go when you're lonely_  
_I'll follow you_  
_When the stars go blue_

* * *

There was a time when Jamie would have given anything to watch the sun set over the city skyline every night. For years, he had dreamed of escaping this sleepy town, dreamed of a future in the city in a one-bedroom apartment in a sky rise and a fancy job. But now, with his teenage years long behind him and the rolling pastures of his parents’ farm stretching out in front of him, the sky painted with reds and oranges and purples as the sun sinks behind the tree line, he wouldn’t trade his current situation for the world.

Sure, he doesn’t have money or fame, doesn’t have women fawning all over him and flashy watches hanging from his wrists. But he’s happy, putting in an honest day’s work putting up hay or planting corn or mending fences. It’s a simple life, but Jamie’s come to terms with the fact that he’s a simple man, and he wouldn’t have fit in anywhere else.

He didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter, anyways. His sister Jenny is smart, smart enough to get into a college on the coast with a full ride scholarship. She’d left the farm at eighteen and never really came home after that, ending up with a teaching job near where she went to school. And then his brother Jordie was good enough at baseball to play at State, and it opened up doors to him. He now works for the Dodgers – though Jamie isn’t exactly sure _what_ he does for them. Either way, by the time Jamie was finishing up high school, there wasn’t really money left to send Jamie off to college. Plus, he was just sort of average, never really _trying_ in class and just sort of solid at baseball and football, and it wasn’t like he even knew what he would have gone to school for, anyways. So, Jamie stayed home, and worked on the farm – begrudgingly at first, but now the responsibility of running the business sits squarely on his shoulders.

Jamie’s milking the cows tonight – Bridget, the girl who milks for him at night, had requested the night off – and he’s almost done. He’s got about two hundred head producing right now, mostly Holsteins but a smattering of Jerseys to help bring up the butterfat content in the milk. Their set up isn’t the best, a pipeline in a tie barn instead of a shiny parlor. Jamie’s been saving up to build a parlor, but it’s expensive, and there’s no money in milk, and if he had a parlor, he wouldn’t be able to watch the sun sink and the sky turn yellow then orange then red.

He’s dirty and tired and more than a little smelly by the time he reaches the end of the barn, but it feels good in a way, like it’s proof that he’s worked hard to get here. The machines are on the last four cows, so Jamie leans against the open door, lost in his thoughts as he stares out over the fields. Tomorrow he needs to move the heifers over to a new pasture, start spraying the corn, and if he has time, he needs to order another truck of feed.

“Some things never change, huh Chubbs?”

Jamie startles, a smile pulling unbidden at his lips before he even turns around. It’s just, he knows that voice, and he knows the smirking face that goes with it. “Hey Seggy,” he says, too soft, holding out his fist for a bump.

“Get out of here with that,” Seggy says, pulling him into a back-slapping hug, apparently forgetting that coming into any sort of contact with Jamie is going to leave him smelling of cow. Though he’s never really seemed to care, even the first time he visited the farm, back when he was still just Tyler and they’d only known each other for a month. Jamie can still remember that day, how nervous he was that Tyler would wrinkle his nose at the smell and tease him for the tired simplicity of his family’s home. Thirteen-year olds can be cruel, and Jamie was all too prepared for this city kid to tear him apart. But Tyler embraced it, rolling around in the grass with their old farm dog and asking Jamie questions as quickly as he could think of them. Looking back, Jamie knows that was a significant moment for him.

There’re three things that Jamie knows will always be true:

  1. Cows never tell lies
  2. Rain is a good thing
  3. He’s deeply, permanently, regrettably in love with Tyler Seguin

Jamie didn’t realize what it was, the way he felt about Tyler, for many, many years. Being gay just wasn’t okay out here in the country, and Jamie liked girls, liked how soft they were, liked their curves and the smell of their hair and the magical sound of their tinkling laughs. It took him awhile, to learn that he could like _both_, and to figure out that all the things he felt about Tyler – the way Tyler made him _feel_ – might be something more than friendship. By the time he figured it out, Tyler was off playing baseball with Jordie at college, and Jamie was alone with just the cows to confide in.

“What are you doing here?” Jamie asks, stepping away from Tyler to pull a milking machine off one of the cows. He takes Tyler in as he hangs up the unit, unplugging it from the pipeline. Tyler looks good, but that’s nothing new, though his hair’s longer now, curling around his ears and at the nape of his neck. It’s more his clothing that grabs Jamie’s attention – faded jeans stained with grease and dirt and a fresh white t-shirt, with creases in it like he’s just pulled it out of the package. There’s a little bit of dark grease beneath his ear, and it brings a frown to Jamie’s face. It’s so unlike Tyler, usually dressed all nice in whatever was hot in the city, dark, tight jeans and weird patterned shirts and all that shit.

“I’m back!” Tyler announces grandly, his smile so big that Jamie knows it has to be fake. “Couldn’t keep me away!”

Jamie scoffs, busying himself with pulling another milking machine off in order to gather his thoughts. Tyler hated living here, even more than Jamie did as a teenager. There isn’t anything that could have brought him back to town, especially with the cushy job he had in the city. “You don’t have to do that with me,” Jamie says, shaking his head slightly.

“What are you talking about?” Tyler asks, too quickly, unable to hide the way his mouth keeps trying to turn down in the corners.

“You know,” Jamie waves his hand in the direction of Tyler’s face. “You don’t have to pretend. Tell me what’s going on.”

Tyler sighs and his face crumples a little bit. He rubs his hand across his eyes before leaning heavily against the door frame. “I quit my job,” Tyler whispers, his voice so small Jamie can barely hear it.

The sound breaks his heart. He’s only ever heard Tyler like this once before, when his baseball season had ended with a career destroying knee injury junior year of college, and he’d called Jamie in tears. He’s not crying now, his face lit up in reds and golds from the setting sun, but he looks defeated.

“You – you did?” Jamie stutters, unsure what to even say to that.

“Yeah.” Tyler sighs again, pushing his hand through his hair. His eyes meet Jamie’s and he smiles a little bit as his hair falls back over his eyes, and Jamie’s heart squeezes in his chest. Out of nowhere, he’s overcome with the urge to take Tyler into his arms, to hug him and kiss him and hold him until he makes everything better. Instead, he offers his own soft small, waiting for Tyler to finish his story. “It was just… everything was so… I wasn’t happy, you know?”

Jamie doesn’t know, actually. When Tyler first went to college, he’d visited a couple of times. But it felt like something had changed with Tyler, swept up with his new friends and all the girls and the alcohol and the parties. Their friendship felt… off, like Jamie wasn’t cool enough to be part of Tyler’s new life. After the first year, they only really hung out during the summers when Tyler was home, and then Tyler stopped even coming home for the summer, opting to stay with friends closer to the city. Even after graduation, Tyler just seemed so happy, having found a way to make great money even though he didn’t make it to the major leagues. He was always posting pictures on Instagram of parties and his swanky apartment and of him dressed in fitted suits with designer sunglasses and thin blonde women hanging from his arms. It was so _Tyler_, and Jamie had just thought he was living his best life.

“It was all so fake,” Tyler continues, staring out over the pastures, his eyes going unfocused. “It was all fun and games for a while, and I had more money than I knew what to do with, but lately… I was so _lonely_. No one actually knew me, and everything was all for the photos, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about… _home_.”

The way he says it, with his brown eyes warm and wide and sad, and the sunset lighting him up in golden red, has the bottom dropping out of Jamie’s stomach in the best way possible.

* * *

It’s fucking hot.

Jamie usually tries not to think about it, when he’s standing on the tongue of a hay trailer, listening to the melodic chug of the baler as his dad slowly drives the tractor through the hay field. It’s usually better if he focuses on the flutter of the breeze against the back of his neck, or the cutting sting of the baling twine against his palms. But right now, the rows of cut grass stretch on endlessly ahead of them, and he can’t stop thinking about Tyler.

He found out, from the waitress at the diner, that Tyler’s working at his uncle’s mechanic shop down in the center of town. Dolores was all a flutter about it, apparently Tyler had come into the diner to pick up lunch with his coveralls tied around his waist and a sweat soaked tank top on and it was almost too much for her fifty-year-old, corn fed heart to handle. (It probably would have been too much for Jamie’s twenty-eight-year-old corn fed heart to handle too, but no one needs to know that). And now, he can’t stop thinking about Tyler, with his fancy degree and his fancy clothes, changing people’s oil with grease in his hair and on his hands. It feels slightly wrong, but still a little bit right, and it’s got Jamie all mixed up inside.

If he was a more emotionally in touch person, he probably would have asked Tyler more questions when he stopped by the farm almost a month ago, He would have asked him exactly what happened that made Tyler change his mind, what his plans were for the future, how long he was going to be in town. Instead they drank beers while Jamie cleaned up and then fed the calves, Tyler following him around and rambling about his sisters and asking questions about Jordie. They never really talked about anything real, and now, a month later, Jamie regrets it.

He’s still thinking about it hours later, when the sky has gone blue and his sweat has dried, the hay all put up in the loft and the cows all milked. The calf barn is quiet, and he’s got a bottle of colostrum in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other, sucking down his beer as the newest calf sucks down her milk. Unfortunately, his thoughts have strayed from Tyler’s _feelings_ to Tyler’s abs, which is… inappropriate but he doesn’t really care. It’s hard to stop thinking about it, about faded blue coveralls tied around Tyler’s narrow waist, about corded, tattooed arms and sweat trickling down a defined chest to a thick set of abs. Jamie just wants to look, really, though he thinks about touching, with his hands and his mouth.

“Hey, come back to earth space cowboy.”

Jamie jerks out of his daydream, his cheeks burning red hot as he pulls the bottle away from the calf. Tyler stands in the doorway of the barn, a black, too small t-shirt molded to his arms and chest and jeans that definitely came pre-ripped clinging to his thighs. He looks like something Jamie would have dreamed up, with a little smirk on his face to match, and Jamie really wasn’t prepared for this.

“How long have you been standing there?” Jamie mumbles, embarrassed that Tyler caught him in a daydream. Not that Tyler could have known what he was thinking about. But still.

Tyler smirks. “Long enough.”

“You look good,” Jamie says, cringing internally at his too fast mouth. But it’s true, Tyler’s almost glowing, his face tan and freckles dotting his cheeks. It looks like he’s gained a little weight too, but in a good way, like he’s been eating three square meals a day. “I mean. You look… better?”

“That just made it worst, Chubbs,” Tyler laughs, stealing the beer from Jamie’s hand and chugging it down. “You almost done or what? Let’s have some beers!”

Jamie finds himself smiling, even as he shakes his head and shoulders his way past Tyler. “Hope you brought some brews with ya, I think I’ve only got a couple left in the barn.”

Tyler just laughs and follows Jamie out of the calf barn. There’s a six-pack waiting on the tailgate of Tyler’s truck, and he grabs it. “You know me, I always come prepared…. Where you going now?”

“Got a cow that’s gonna calve, just need to check on her quick.” Jamie stops short, chuckling when Tyler runs into his back. “I will take another beer though.”

Tyler rolls his eyes even as he pulls a can out and hands it over, and Jamie just wants to close the distance between them, wants to press his lips to Tyler’s and taste him. Instead, he cracks the beer and takes a sip, smacking his lips obnoxiously just to hear Tyler groan. “Let’s go man.”

Jamie laughs and leads Tyler through the tie stall barn and out to the calving shed. The cow – her name is Lana, and she might be Jamie’s current favorite, but no one needs to know this – lifts her head when Jamie slides open the door, chewing her cud nonchalantly as if nothing important is going on. But Jamie’s been around cows long enough that he just _knows_, and judging by Lana’s state, they’re be a new calf before sunrise.

“She doesn’t look like she’s having a baby,” Tyler says, his nose scrunched up even as he holds his hand out to her. Lana sniffs him once before turning back to her hay, clearly not interested. “I thought there would be more…” He waves his hands around, and Jamie chuckles, shaking his head as he steps back out of the shed.

“She’s not there yet, usually it’s pretty quick once it starts. Or at least, I always hope it is.”

“Huh.” Tyler follows him quietly back through the big barn, the beers swinging from one hand. Jamie leads him past his parent’s house and down through his mom’s garden to his own house. He’d finally finished building it about a year ago. It’s nothing huge, but he did build it with a future in mind, with three bedrooms and a bright kitchen even though he eats most meals with his parents. Jamie still dreams about it though, kids running through the yard and a couple barn cats lounging on the porch and a strong hand wrapped around his. In his mind, he’d always figured he’d eventually end up with Suzy Andrews, and her round cheeks, child-bearing hips and arms strengthened from growing up on a farm. He’d always kinda had a crush on her anyways, and she made sense, in the long run. But now, with Tyler back in town, the strong hand in his fantasy becomes bigger and attached to a tatted arm and sparkling brown eyes, and Jamie is so, so fucked.

Jamie flops down onto his front steps and Tyler does the same, their knees knocking together as they both stare up at the sky. The stars shine back at them, millions of them blinking in the inky black sky, with no lights for miles to dim them.

“Is this your house?” Tyler asks after a moment, his eyebrows shooting up when Jamie nods. “Dude! Good for you man! Did you have Barrie build it for ya?”

“Nah,” Jamie shakes his eyes, carefully watching Tyler’s reactions. “Built it myself.” If he wasn’t staring, he might not have noticed the way Tyler swallowed hard in response, or the slight darkening of his eyes in the moonlight.

“Really,” Tyler practically croaks, his voice so rough he immediately takes another swig of beer.

“Yeah…” Jamie shrugs before leaning back against the railing, something warm spreading through his chest with the way Tyler’s looking at him. “Did most of the work last summer…”

Tyler’s tongue flicks out to wet his lips, and Jamie’s stomach lurches in the most pleasant way possible. “Did you wear a tool belt?” Tyler asks. Judging by the way his eyes go wide before he closes them briefly – his mouth is back to moving faster than his brain. Jamie grins and pushes his hand through his hair, chuckling to himself.

“Obviously,” he smirks at Tyler, who might actually be turning a little bit red. “Had to give old Mrs. Franklin a show when she came buy eggs every week, didn’t I?”

Tyler laughs, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he tilts his head back. Jamie knows he’s thinking of the summer after senior year of high school, when Mrs. Franklin used to conveniently time her egg buying for when they (and Jordie) were just finishing putting up a load of hay. It’s kind of creepy to think about now, but at the time, they thought they were hot shit, getting older women all excited.

“Probably gave her a heart attack,” Tyler says. He’s still laughing but there’s something in his eyes that has Jamie feeling warm all over.

“Sounds like you might send Dolores at the diner to an early grave yourself,” Jamie shoots back, grinning when Tyler scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“I’m not even trying!”

“You’ve never had to,” Jamie whispers, and it comes out too honest, but right now, underneath the summer stars and all alone on his front steps, he doesn’t really care. Tyler’s smile goes sideways and soft, and something a lot like hope flickers in Jamie’s chest.

Even as their conversations drifts to Tyler’s new job and this one-horse town and _home_, Tyler doesn’t really open up about _why_ he came home. Jamie doesn’t pry – he’s not good enough with emotions to feel comfortable doing that – but he can’t help but wonder what happened back in the city. But he decides to help Tyler the only way he knows how; accepting him back into his life with open arms.

“Oh shit,” Tyler swears, his face lit up by his phone screen. “It’s late. I gotta be at work early or else – and shit dude! Don’t you get up at like four am?”

“Yeah,” Jamie chuckles, trying to hide a yawn with the back of his hand. “I need to hit the hay.” A low moo echoes across the dark farm, and Jamie straightens up. It could be any of his two hundred head of cows, but he has this gut feeling that it’s Lana. “Gotta check that cow first though.”

He stands up and heads back towards the barn, smiling to himself at the sound of Tyler scrambling to catch up with him. They reach Tyler’s truck, and Jamie half expects him to stop and say goodbye, but Tyler practically runs into his back when Jamie slows down. “What?” Tyler huffs, wrinkling his nose in the face of Jamie’s raised eyebrows. “If there’s a baby cow I wanna see it.”

Jamie just shakes his head and continues through the dark barn, the moonlight streaming in through the open doors and making turning on the light unnecessary. Another low moo comes from the calving shed out back, and Jamie quickens his step, heart starting to race. This happens a couple times a week on the farm, but it never fails to make Jamie a little nervous. His animals’ well being is important to him, and calving is pretty much the most at risk time for them.

Sure enough, when he flicks the light on in the calving shed Lana is pacing around and definitely in the process of giving birth. “Easy girl,” Jamie murmurs, stroking one hand down her flank as he observes the situation. Everything seems fine and in order, and he could (and should) probably just let her be and not mess around with the process. But…

“Oh _shit_!” Tyler is standing in the doorway to the shed, his eyes wide and his knuckles white where his fingers are curled around his phone.

“Have you never seen this before?” Jamie asks, smiling gently when Tyler shakes his head. So. Yeah. He can’t _not_ give Lana a hand now.

It still takes another fifteen minutes, with Jamie pulling on the calf’s legs every time Lana pushes, before the calf slips out and hits the shavings in a tangle of slimy limbs. Moving quickly, Jamie clears the mucus out of the calf’s throat, stepping out of the way once it starts to cough so that Lana can take over. She’s a good mother, licking the calf clean and nudging it to its feet. The calf wobbles towards its mother’s udder, and Jamie quickly checks – grinning happily with the determination that it’s a girl.

“You can name ‘er if you want,” he says to Tyler, who seems to just be staring with awe at the new life in front of him. “Just has to begin with P.”

Tyler nods, his brain clearly slowly comprehending everything. “Wait,” he says after a moment, brows furrowing. “Why P?”

“Easier to keep ‘em straight if all the calves born in a year have the same letter when I go to register ‘em.”

“Huh.” Tyler nods, his eyes going soft as the calf lets out a little frustrated moo as she tries to latch on to a teat. “How bout Penny? Do you have a Penny yet?”

Jamie just smiles and nods, watching as Penny’s little tail flicks happily as she finally figures out how to drink milk. Penny is perfect.

* * *

Jamie doesn’t go into town that much – usually just making runs to the feed store to pick up random supplies and sometimes to grab lunch at the diner if he wants to take a drive. That’s exactly what he’s doing today, except that supposedly Tyler is going to be meeting him. It’s been almost two weeks since the night Penny was born, and Tyler’s been stopping by often. He’s been acting like he’s got some special connection with the calf and that’s why he keeps coming by, but Jamie isn’t stupid, isn’t blind to the way the tension bleeds from Tyler’s shoulders and how his jaw relaxes every time Jamie smiles at him. The whole thing has Jamie feeling almost giddy, and he’s starting to believe that he might actually be able to have this.

The diner is across the street from the mechanic shop, and Jamie settles himself, into a booth by the window to wait. He doesn’t have to wait long for Tyler to roll out from beneath a car, his long hair pulled back into a ponytail that basically looks like the ones Jamie’s 2 year old niece rocks. That alone should be enough to quell Jamie’s libido, but the rest of the look is just… a lot, from Tyler’s unzipped coveralls to the grease smeared on his cheek and the wrench hanging from one hand. It’s just, so much, and Jamie wants to peel him out of his clothes, so slow, wants to get his hands on those corded arms and what he imagines to be a set of washboard abs – they used to be, anyways.

Tyler slams the hood of the car and straightens up, and then a blonde girl comes bounding out of the shadows of the garage and throws her arms around him. Jamie’s stomach turns sour and he immediately looks away, staring down at the sticky tabletop as he tries to fight through the nausea suddenly engulfing him.

He knew it. He knew he shouldn’t have let himself think that he could have this, could have Tyler. It’s like senior year of high school all over again, when Jamie let himself get so wrapped up in Tyler and then got his feet knocked out from underneath him when Tyler fell in love with Kara McVay out of nowhere.

“Hey buddy!”

Jamie looks up to find Tyler sliding into the booth across from him, grease still smeared on his face and his coveralls tied around his waist. His thin, white, sleeveless undershirt is soaked with sweat and practically see through, and Jamie wonders for a moment if it’s on purpose before he remembers the girl. Jamie manages to force out a grunt in greeting, and Tyler makes this _face_. “Who pissed in your cheerios this morning?”

Jamie just grunts again, thankfully saved by the arrival of a slightly out of breath Dolores. “Here’s some menus boys,” she says, placing the sticky, laminated menus that haven’t changed in decades on the table. “Can I get you something to drink? You boys look a little warm.”

Jamie shoots her a _look_, but she dutifully ignores him, clearly focused on Tyler and the sweat dripping down the side of his neck. “Sweet tea, please,” Jamie says after a moment, surprised when Tyler lights up.

“Oh yeah, that sounds great, make it two…” He trails off, sparkling up at Dolores. “Did you change your hair or something Miss D? You look even more beautiful than usual!”

“Oh get out of here with that,” Dolores huffs, but Jamie can tell she’s blushing as she hustles away to get their drinks.

“Layin’ it on thick today huh?” Jamie grumbles. Tyler’s eyebrows jump, and his jaw ticks, and Jamie realizes suddenly that _maybe_ he should have scaled back on the grumpiness a little bit.

“What, you mad I haven’t told you how pretty you look today yet, Chubbs?” Tyler’s lip curls slightly as he says it, makes it come out just a little bit mean instead of flirty, and Jamie’s ears and neck start to get hot. He wracks his brain for a scathing comeback, anything to fire back at Tyler and fend off the way it feels like his heart his cracking in his chest. He wants to tear Tyler open too, wants to make him feel this hurt, this feeling of being passed over by the one person you want over and over again.

“Two sweet teas,” Dolores practically sings, clearly oblivious to the tension crackling across the table. “You boys ready to order?”

“I’ll have the meatball sub, extra parm, with those sour cream and onion chips,” Jamie answers without even looking at the menu, handing it back to Dolores without looking away from Tyler.

“My usual,” Tyler orders, ripping his gaze away from Jamie to smile up at Dolores. “You know what I like.” Dolores giggles and Jamie scowls. He doesn’t know why it’s pissing him off so much. It could be that he wants all of Tyler’s attention, wants Tyler to flirt with him more than he does everyone else. Or it could be that he knows how easily Tyler could have _him_ giggling like a schoolgirl, how little it would take for Jamie to be blushing and stammering, putty in Tyler’s hands.

“What is your problem?” Tyler hisses as soon as Dolores is out of ear shot, his mouth a hard line but something sad in his eyes. “I don’t know how I could have possibly fucked this up already.”

Jamie swallows hard, taking a sip of his sweet tea before looking out the window at the shop. The blonde girl is sitting in her car, waiting for Len Barrie to pass in his brand new truck before she pulls out. “That your new girl?” Jamie asks, motioning towards her with his thumb.

“Huh?” Tyler frowns, confusion etched so deep in his face that Jamie knows immediately he’s fucked up. “I don’t have… oh.” A smile breaks across his face, and Jamie’s heart breaks just a little bit more. “Is that what this is? Are you _jealous_?”

For a moment Jamie feels sick, suddenly terrified that Tyler’s isn’t going to be as cool about all this as he always imagined he would be. “I – I mean –_ no_, why would I – it’s not like… uh…”

“Hey.” Jamie stills entirely as Tyler’s hand settles all gentle like on his knee beneath the table, squeezing slightly. “It’s okay,” Tyler’s smile goes soft, and Jamie’s heart goes from standing still to galloping like a horse let out on open pasture for the first time after a long winter. “Kinda like it, actually.”

Jamie laughs and then drops his head, trying to hide the stupid smile he knows is spreading across his face. “Shut up, Seggy.”

“What?” Tyler laughs too, his hand sliding just a little farther up Jamie’s thigh and squeezing once before dropping away. “It’s true! Plus, that was my cousin Shelly anyways.”

“No way!” Jamie says too loud, his jaw dropping. “She’s like, ten years old!”

“Nineteen,” Tyler corrects, shaking his head slightly. “Funny how fast the years have gone, huh?”

Jamie just stares for a moment, at Tyler’s face, the sharpness of his cheekbones and the little tiny lines that are still there in the corners of his eyes. He’s no longer the fifteen-year-old boy Jamie fell in love with. He’s grown into his long arms and his smile and his ears and can actually grow a beard now. “Yeah,” Jamie whispers softly, biting his lip when Tyler winks at him.

The problem now is that Jamie is even more in love with the man he’s grown into.

* * *

“I think I might have given your employee a heart attack.”

Jamie looks up from the frozen burgers he’s trying to pry apart with a butter knife, surprised to find Tyler standing in the open doorway of his house. He’s got a bottle of wine in one hand – which Jamie refuses to read into – and what looks like calf slobber on his t-shirt. “Who, Bridget?”

“Yeah, I think so?” Tyler shrugs, pulling open the fridge and finding a spot for the wine. “I just assumed it was you milking so I kinda snuck up on her… she screamed really loud when she stepped out from between the cows and saw me.”

“Maybe you should stop sneaking around like a thirteen year old,” Jamie offers, going back to trying to pry apart the burgers. “You want a burger?” He doesn’t ask what Tyler’s doing here, doesn’t ask if there’s some reason Tyler wanted to see him again even though it’s only been hours since lunch. He doesn’t ask because he hasn’t stopped thinking about it, about the warmth of Tyler’s hand on his knee beneath the table and the way Tyler’s ears had turned a bit red when he said he liked making Jamie jealous.

“Hell yeah,” Tyler answers, peaking out onto the back deck where the grill is already smoking. “Whoa dude, this is a hell of a view. Shit.”

Jamie finally breaks the burgers apart and follows Tyler out onto the deck, throwing them on the grill. He looks out over the rolling hayfield behind his house, the crick just visible at the far edge. There’s a doe out there right now with her half-grown twin fawns, and Jamie smiles. “Yeah… wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

Tyler’s quiet for a moment, leaning against the railing on his elbows. Jamie lets the silence settle, broken only by the crickets and the gentle mooing of the cows. “I used to hate it here,” Tyler whispers, so quiet. “This town, these wide-open spaces, nothing to do and no one to do it with… everybody knowing everybody’s business. I felt like I was suffocating.”

“Why’d you come back?” Jamie asks, closing the grill and leaning his hip against the railing beside Tyler. “I thought you loved the city.”

Tyler shrugs, his mouth turning downwards. “I thought I did too. But it was all so fake. It’s all about the money, and how cool you look in your Instagram posts. No one gave a shit about who I really was… I didn’t let them see the real me, either. And I started to get like, down on myself. I was anxious all the time, worried about the money even though I had so much of it, it was like the only thing that mattered. And then one day I saw you had posted like, your second Instagram post ever because you’re literally a hermit, and it was just a picture of hay or whatever and I just…” He trails off, turning to look up at Jamie. His eyes are wide and a little scared, and Jamie’s heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest. “I just missed you.”

“Yeah?” Jamie practically squeaks, his voice coming out all high and breathy and absolutely embarrassing.

“You’re the only thing that’s like, stayed the same for me. You’re like my rock or something Jam, you’ve never pretended to be anything but yourself and I just – “

“I’m bi.” Jamie blurts out, his face going immediately and brilliantly red. “I never. I. I just – uh – wanted you to know ‘cause I’ve never told you and I uh, don’t want you to think that I – “

“Thank you for telling me,” Tyler says gently, cutting off Jamie’s babbling. He looks happy about it, but Jamie can’t be sure, and really, it’s the first time he’s ever said he’s bi out loud before. “And uh, I was kind of hoping you were, to be honest.”

Jamie doesn’t know what to say to that, so he opens the grill just for something to do, poking the burgers and trying not to choke on smoke.

“You’re supposed to ask me why, not purposefully suck down a bunch of smoke,” Tyler chuckles, but he still looks kind of nervous when Jamie finally closes the grill again.

“… why?” Jamie asks, smirking when Tyler laughs, loud and real.

“Because I came home for you, because I need to have you in my life, because you’re the only person in the world who would let me pretend that I’m emotionally attached to a calf so that I can see you more often.”

“Penny’s going to be so upset when she finds out you were using her,” Jamie replies seriously, even though he can’t seem to keep his smile at bay. “That’s kind of rude.”

“Okay, maybe the emotional attachment isn’t actually fake,” Tyler laughs, his hand reaching out and curling in the fabric of Jamie’s shirt. Suddenly he’s all up in Jamie’s space, close enough that Jamie can count the freckles on his nose and see the shadows his eyelashes cast on his cheeks. “Please don’t tell Penny, she’s one of my only friends.”

“I think I need to get you a dog,” Jamie says, and Tyler absolutely lights up in response.

“I want a lab,” he hums, pushing closer until his nose bumps against Jamie’s, just once. “And I’m like, embarrassingly in love with you.”

Jamie has no idea what to do but his body seems to, one arm curling around Tyler and holding him close, the other hand shaking as he pushes Tyler’s hair out of his face. “Me too,” he whispers. He catches just a glimpse of Tyler’s pleased smile before Tyler closes the distance between them, pressing their lips together.

It’s gentle at first, just a hesitant press of lips, but then Tyler’s tongue flicks out against Jamie’s lower lip, and he can’t help but let out a low groan and drag Tyler closer. In an instant the kiss turns desperate, all lips and tongue and teeth, and fingers pressing hard against muscles and tugging on hair. Jamie can’t even think, electricity zipping up and down his spine and all the way to the tips of his toes.

“Holy shit,” Tyler pants when they finally break apart, his forehead resting against Jamie’s. He looks wrecked, his hair sticking up in a million directions and his lips red and slick. Jamie knows he probably looks even more of a mess, judging by the way he can’t seem to catch his breath. “If I knew you could kiss like that, I wouldn’t have waited so long.”

Jamie rolls his eyes, but he leans down and kisses Tyler again, this time slow and easy, just because he can. When he steps back Tyler lets him go with a glazed look in his eyes, like maybe he can’t believe this is really happening either.

The sun is sinking behind the tree line again, painting the sky in deep reds and purples. Jamie’s on his second glass of wine, and he feels a little bit tipsy with it. The wine might not be the culprit though, considering that Tyler is sitting beside him quietly, glass of wine in one hand and Jamie’s hand in the other, staring off over the farm as he rubs his thumb across Jamie’s knuckles.

“I think we need like, two dogs, at least,” Tyler announces, smiling up at Jamie. In the setting sun, his hair shines and his skin glows, and he’s the most beautiful thing Jamie’s ever seen.

“I’m really glad you came home,” Jamie whispers.

Tyler smiles and sets down his glass before climbing into Jamie’s lap. It’s a tight fit – they’re both big dudes – and there’s a large possibility that this cheap ass plastic chair might collapse right beneath them, but Jamie doesn’t care. He wraps his arms around Tyler, sighing softly when Tyler kisses him gently before resting his head on his shoulder. “Me too baby, me too.”

Jamie looks out across his farm, and he knows there’s three things that will always be true:

  1. Cows never tell lies
  2. Rain is a good thing
  3. He’s deeply, permanently, regrettably in love with Tyler Seguin

Luckily, Tyler loves him back.

* * *

_Laughing with your pretty mouth_  
_Laughing with your broken eyes_  
_Laughing with your lover's tongue_  
_In a lullaby_

_Where do you go when you're lonely_  
_Where do you go when you're blue_  
_Where do you go when you're lonely_  
_I'll follow you_  
_When the stars go blue_

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! ♥


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